Why does someone get defensive when asked a question?

Answer: Generally, when people talk about someone becoming defensive in the context of a conversation, they are meaning that that someone is engaging in emotionally defensive maneuvers designed to ward off their having to experience some unwanted feeling or admit responsibility for some disowned act.
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Why do people automatically get defensive?

People react defensively because they anticipate or perceive a threat in their environment, not usually because they're just wanting to be difficult. Unfortunately, defensive behavior creates a reciprocal cycle.
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Does being defensive mean you're lying?

Simply put, if the person seems to be over-explaining their situation and is angered by your questions, they could have something to hide. On the other hand, experts are quick to point out that when someone is defensive, it isn't always a sign that they're lying.
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What does defensive behavior indicate?

A defensive person has trouble accepting responsibility for their speech and actions. They have difficulty with constructive criticism and may mistakenly take it as a perceived threat. Anyone can be triggered by a personal issue that causes them to have a defensive reaction.
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Is defensiveness a trauma response?

Defensiveness shows itself through trauma for a variety of reasons. According to science, defensiveness is a common symptom for those who struggle with trauma, especially those who struggle with trauma related to sexual violence.
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Defensiveness: Psychology Behind Defensive Behavior



How do you talk to someone who is always defensive?

Since you can't always avoid conflict, it may be beneficial to consider these tips and tricks for communicating effectively, especially with someone defensive.
  1. Grow your self-awareness. ...
  2. Use 'I' statements. ...
  3. Walk away. ...
  4. Avoid competing. ...
  5. Accommodate, within reason. ...
  6. Compromise. ...
  7. Collaborate.
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Does being defensive indicate guilt?

As you've learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument.
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Why does my husband get defensive when I ask questions?

He is defensive because he is defensive. You two have to be able to discuss unpleasant subjects or your relationship won't get very far. You need to evaluate how you are approaching him with issues, and he needs to man up and be able to take criticism without going inside his shell and blaming you for making him do it.
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What are the 17 signs of lying?

Below, you'll find 34 signs of lying, as explained by experts and science.
  • They give way too much information. ...
  • They can't keep their story straight. ...
  • They put up a physical wall. ...
  • They're giving way too little information. ...
  • They're doing strange things with their eyes. ...
  • They're fake smiling. ...
  • They can't remember the details.
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What is an example of a defensive behavior?

Defensive behaviors are a group of evolved responses to threat. They include flight, freezing, defensive threat, defensive attack, and risk assessment. The type of defensive behavior elicited in a particular situation depends on features of both the threat and the situation.
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What words do liars use?

There are a few telltale phrases that signal someone might be lying.
...
4. Overemphasizing their trustworthiness: "To be honest."
  • "To be honest"
  • "To tell you the truth"
  • "Believe me"
  • "Let me be clear"
  • "The fact is"
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How do liars react when accused?

Denial is a common reaction when an innocent person is accused, which is why liars will sometimes attempt to deny your accusations. The catch, though, is that because they're acting, their denials tend to be over the top.
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How can you tell when someone is guilty?

These four tells are common signs of guilt.
  1. They're Literally Hunched Over. Brains are wild. ...
  2. They're Acting Suspiciously Good to You. Most people try to balance good and bad. ...
  3. They Constantly Over-Justify Their Actions. ...
  4. They React Out of Proportion if You Question Them.
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How does a narcissist husband behave?

Your narcissistic spouse likely never takes responsibility for their actions and always blames you. If something goes wrong, it is your fault even if they were the one to blame. Everything bad that happens in their life is somehow because of you, which leaves you feeling like there's nothing that you can do right.
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How do you communicate with a defensive spouse?

When communicating your feelings:
  1. Stick to the facts. ...
  2. Use “I” statements. ...
  3. Do not mirror the defensive person's anger. ...
  4. Raise your hand up towards the other person with an open palm, to signal stop. ...
  5. Repeat yourself. ...
  6. Physically remove yourself.
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Why is my spouse always defensive?

Most husbands or wives who are defensive do so in response to a threat (whether there is an actual one or it's something based on their perception alone). The threat is in what you say or do towards him or her. This perception informs their reaction and how they behave towards you.
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Do liars get defensive when confronted?

Experts say that it's common for liars to get defensive during an argument.
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What do you call someone who turns things around on you?

They turn the story around to make it seem like you are at fault, deflecting attention and blame away from them to make you feel guilty. This type of emotional manipulation is called gaslighting. “Am I going crazy?
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Is defensiveness a character trait?

Defensiveness, which is inherently passive, often switches into an aggressive attack. The person who initially feels under attack can be quick to shift gears and go on the attack. Why does he do this? On an inner level, his passivity is deemed to be a deplorable trait.
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How do you argue with a defensive person?

3 ways to start a conversation with a defensive person:
  1. Calmly state your intentions up-front. For particularly sensitive topics that you're almost sure will generate a defensive response, it can be helpful to just anticipate it. ...
  2. Avoid leading with an accusation. ...
  3. Steer clear of “always,” “never,” and “you” statements.
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How does defensiveness affect communication?

Defensiveness creates inefficient and damaging communication in social interactions when people deny their flaws, project their flaws on others, or use judgmental communication techniques.
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How do you fix defensiveness?

Here are 6 strategies to manage your defensive impulses:
  1. Know your triggers and anticipate them. ...
  2. Give it a name. ...
  3. Assume good intentions. ...
  4. Don't take it personally. ...
  5. Adopt a growth mindset. ...
  6. Exercise self-compassion.
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How do guys act when they feel guilty?

When someone is feeling guilty, one reaction is trying to ignore the situation and not take it seriously, so they don't have to face up to what they've done. If your boyfriend is belittling your feelings, he's trying to make the problem less serious, so he has less to be accountable for.
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How can you tell if someone is guilty of cheating?

10 cheating guilt signs you can't miss
  • Self-loathing. ...
  • They are suddenly paying more attention to you. ...
  • They try to manipulate you. ...
  • They are suddenly emotionally detached from you. ...
  • You feel it within you. ...
  • Intimacy suddenly went out the door. ...
  • They are suddenly paying more attention to their looks.
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Does he feel guilty for hurting me?

One of the top undeniable signs he feels guilty for hurting you is that he actually tries to make it up to you. He's not just talk, in other words. He's all about actually doing something to pay for what he did and try to repair at least some of the emotional or physical damage.
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