Why does my husband get defensive when I tell him how I feel?

So the real REASON why men get so defensive, when you tell them how you feel, is because they THINK you are attacking them! In their minds, that's what's happening. Even if you're NOT. That is why they react so strongly and defensively.
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Why does he get defensive when I express my feelings?

He has a problem with communication

Communication is the key to solving a situation such as this; bad communication could cause your partner's defensive behavior, he may feel like he needs to talk and clear the air because of how things are being presented.
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What does it mean when your husband gets defensive?

Defensiveness is a behavior wherein one of the spouses is anxious about facing criticism or they tend to be overly protective of themselves. Most husbands or wives who are defensive do so in response to a threat (whether there is an actual one or it's something based on their perception alone).
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How do I express my feelings to my husband without him getting defensive?

Below are some tools that helped Braden self-soothe instead of act out in defense.
  1. Write down what your partner says and any defensiveness you feel. Dr. ...
  2. Be mindful of love and respect. ...
  3. Slow down and breathe. ...
  4. Hold on to yourself. ...
  5. Don't take your partner's complaint personally. ...
  6. Ask for a reframe. ...
  7. Push the pause button.
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How do you deal with a defensive spouse?

When communicating your feelings:
  1. Stick to the facts. ...
  2. Use “I” statements. ...
  3. Do not mirror the defensive person's anger. ...
  4. Raise your hand up towards the other person with an open palm, to signal stop. ...
  5. Repeat yourself. ...
  6. Physically remove yourself.
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How To Make Him Worry About Losing You - 5 Steps



Does defensiveness mean guilt?

As you've learned, being defensive is a result of feeling ashamed, hurt, guilty, attacked, etc. If a person is feeling this way, responding with further criticism is likely to end only in stonewalling or an argument.
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Why does my husband get defensive when I ask questions?

He is defensive because he is defensive. You two have to be able to discuss unpleasant subjects or your relationship won't get very far. You need to evaluate how you are approaching him with issues, and he needs to man up and be able to take criticism without going inside his shell and blaming you for making him do it.
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What are the signs of unhappy marriage?

16 signs you're in an unhappy marriage:
  • There's constant criticism. ...
  • Your relationship has become sexless. ...
  • You struggle to spend time together. ...
  • You stop sharing wins with each other. ...
  • You're both defensive. ...
  • You avoid each other, as much as you can. ...
  • You daydream about leaving.
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What are the signs of emotional immaturity?

What Are the Signs of Emotional Immaturity?
  • Blaming others when things go wrong.
  • Lying to get out of uncomfortable situations or conversations.
  • Name-calling during conflicts.
  • Inability to control one's impulses, such as engaging in reckless behaviors.
  • Needing to be the center of attention at all times.
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Why does a man get defensive?

People react defensively because they anticipate or perceive a threat in their environment, not usually because they're just wanting to be difficult. Unfortunately, defensive behavior creates a reciprocal cycle.
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Why is my husband so defensive about everything?

Your husband is most likely getting defensive because: He feels like you're blaming him for his feelings. You want him to fix it and he doesn't know how to. He has some other story spinning in his head about what it means that you feel this way.
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What defensiveness does to a relationship?

When you become defensive in a conversation with your partner, you react to their words without listening to what they're saying. More often than not, you attempt to ward off the perceived attack by turning the tables on them. “It's not my fault that we're always late; it's your fault.”
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Where does defensiveness come from?

Defensiveness is when we try to counter or deny criticisms in areas in which we feel sensitive. For many, this is a way to emotionally protect ourselves. Our brain instinctively kicks into "fight or flight" mode when we think we are in trouble, which can lead to overwhelming emotions like anger and anxiety.
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Why does my husband get mad when I cry?

It is a damaging belief, but your husband may feel that you aren't genuinely crying but rather using this display of emotions to avoid a difficult conversation or having to take responsibility for yourself. He could also think that you are trying to manipulate him into getting your way by crying.
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What is emotional invalidation?

By definition, invalidation is the process of denying, rejecting or dismissing someone's feelings. Invalidation sends the message that a person's subjective emotional experience is inaccurate, insignificant, and/or unacceptable.
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When someone won't acknowledge your feelings?

Emotional invalidation often happens when you're expressing your feelings or talking about an experience. People often invalidate someone because they're unable to process that person's emotions. They might be preoccupied with their own problems or not know how to respond in the moment.
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How do I deal with an emotionally immature husband?

  1. Don't Take it Personally. His immaturity is much more about him than you. ...
  2. Respond But Don't React to His Bad Behavior. Stay calm and as unemotionally involved as possible. ...
  3. Focus On His Better Qualities. ...
  4. Stand Up for Yourself. ...
  5. Model What You Want to See Him Do. ...
  6. Take Care of Yourself.
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How do emotionally immature men communicate?

How to handle it
  1. Initiate a straightforward conversation. Bring it to their attention. ...
  2. Create healthy boundaries. Stop picking up the slack for your partner and engaging with them when they come up with excuses for poor choices. ...
  3. Seek professional help.
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At what age does a man fully emotionally mature?

A new study has found that the average man doesn't become fully emotionally mature until age 43. And that's way later than women. Women are mature at age 32 . . . a full 11 years earlier.
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How can you tell if your husband doesn't love you?

Signs your husband isn't in love with you:
  1. He's no longer affectionate with you.
  2. He spends a lot of time alone or out of the house.
  3. He doesn't really engage in conversation with you anymore.
  4. He's become closed off.
  5. He no longer goes out of his way to care for your relationship.
  6. Identify what's changed.
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How do I know if my husband doesn't love me anymore?

He doesn't do the things you ask him to do.

But if your husband no longer loves you, he will huff and puff at any little thing that you ask him to do. And he'll probably only follow through and do the thing a fraction of the time. Every other time, he'll find an excuse as to why he couldn't do it.
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How do you know when a man is unhappy in a relationship?

Subtle Signs Your Partner Is Unhappy In Your Relationship
  1. They Aren't The Least Bit Accommodating. ...
  2. They're Always Out With Friends. ...
  3. They Don't Want To Talk. ...
  4. They're Decidedly Less Physical. ...
  5. Your Convos Feel Awkward And Stilted. ...
  6. They Require An Inordinate Amount Of Alone Time. ...
  7. They've Been Picking Fights For No Reason.
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How does a narcissist husband behave?

Your narcissistic spouse likely never takes responsibility for their actions and always blames you. If something goes wrong, it is your fault even if they were the one to blame. Everything bad that happens in their life is somehow because of you, which leaves you feeling like there's nothing that you can do right.
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Why does my BF get mad when I tell him how I feel?

So the real REASON why men get so defensive, when you tell them how you feel, is because they THINK you are attacking them! In their minds, that's what's happening. Even if you're NOT. That is why they react so strongly and defensively.
Takedown request   |   View complete answer on simplytogether.co


What is a defensive personality?

A defensive person has trouble accepting responsibility for their speech and actions. They have difficulty with constructive criticism and may mistakenly take it as a perceived threat. Anyone can be triggered by a personal issue that causes them to have a defensive reaction.
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