Why do loved ones say hurtful things?

Often well-meaning people say hurtful things because they're at a loss for words. Not knowing the right thing to say, they may turn to canned statements, like “don't worry about it” or “you'll be fine”—the kinds of statements that tend to be least helpful in difficult times.
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Why do people intentionally say hurtful things?

Key points. Often, people will utter hurtful words to others with no motive. Or, their motive could be simply to relieve their own pain. Remaining silent or strong-willed can be hard to do when one is taken by surprise by hurtful words.
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How does saying hurtful things affect a relationship?

Those harsh words said in fits of anger linger. Hurtful words can have a negative impact and begin to affect intimacy. The residual effects of the harsh and aggressive words begin to cause more anger and disconnect in the relationship.
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Why people say hurtful things they don't mean?

In a fit of anger or in frustration, we say things we don't mean when we lose control of our emotions. We act first instead of thinking it through, and hurt the other person with our words. We all say things we don't mean - to our friends, family, or even strangers.
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What do you do when you say something hurtful to someone you love?

Apologize. A sincere apology is key to getting beyond a verbal faux pas. You can't pretend that you didn't know your friend was going to be offended at what you said or that you hadn't meant it negatively. A good apology can help you both get beyond whatever is holding you back from being sincere, connected friends.
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"Why Does My Husband Say Hurtful Things?" | Paul Friedman



How do you heal from hurtful words?

Acknowledge your anger and hurt together.

To cope in a healthy way, acknowledge both these emotions together. Literally say to yourself, "I feel hurt and angry...." Acknowledging your specific, precise emotions is the first step of self-compassion. Acknowledging your anger can help you not personalize the comment.
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What to say to someone who has hurt you deeply?

If you're hoping to salvage the relationship with the person who has hurt you, then here are some great conversation points to add in:
  • “I care about you.”
  • “I respect you.”
  • “I want to fix our relationship.”
  • “I want to move past this.”
  • “I want to understand each other better.”
  • “I want to be open with you.”
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What is the meanest thing to say?

Words are powerful weapons and can do a lot of damage. “ You're *#@! % stupid. ” “ I wish you were never born. ” “ No one is ever going to love you, you're so *#@! % fat and ugly. ” “ You never get anything right. ” “ You're worthless. ” These are mean and degrading things to say to someone.
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What is it called when someone purposely hurts you?

Someone who gets pleasure from hurting or humiliating others is a sadist. Sadists feel other people's pain more than is normal. And they enjoy it. At least, they do until it is over, when they may feel bad. The popular imagination associates sadism with torturers and murderers.
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Why are some people so mean?

Key points. Research shows that being insulted makes people more likely to demean others. Freud argued that people cope with negative views of themselves by perceiving other people as having those same traits. Researchers have discovered that threatened self-esteem drives a lot of aggression.
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Why do my spouse says hurtful things?

Understand that it's anger

Anger is usually the reason why people say hurtful things. Before you dissect those verbal attacks, or analyze the 'whys' and 'wherefores' of the negative behavior, it is best to understand where those words are coming from.
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Can Hurtful words cause trauma?

The take-home message is that occasional harsh or angry words are not going to traumatize a child for life. However, frequent verbal bashing could be as bad as sticks and stones that break their bones.
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Why do hurt people hurt people?

“Hurt people hurt people” is more than a clever phrase; it's a sad truth. Hurt people hurt others because they themselves have been hurt. And each one of us has been hurt to one degree or another. As that damage causes us to become defensive and self-protective, we may lash out at others.
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How do you deal with people who intentionally hurt you?

They will help you develop some new techniques and keep you from reacting to new hurts in old ways.
  1. Recognize the offense for what it is. ...
  2. Resist the tendency to defend your position. ...
  3. Give up the need to be right. ...
  4. Recognize and apologize for anything you may have done to contribute to the situation. ...
  5. Respond, don't react.
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What makes a person cruel?

If human beings are deprived of meaningful social connection, studies have shown they tend to become hateful and violent, even insane. So in a way, inflicting, imposing or sharing their negative emotions on the world and those in it is a way of sustaining and connecting with what remains of their humanness.
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How do you become strong when someone hurts you emotionally?

15 ways to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally
  1. Think about the situation. ...
  2. Know that it's not about you. ...
  3. Focus on yourself. ...
  4. Call or text them. ...
  5. Meet new people. ...
  6. Call your friends or family to vent. ...
  7. Try and see it from another perspective. ...
  8. Remind yourself of your inner beauty.
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What's the worst thing you could say to someone?

1. Validate.
  • “That sounds really hard.”
  • “I can't even imagine how difficult this is.”
  • “Damn. That is so tough.”
  • “That sounds like a lot.”
  • “I'm here for you.”
  • “I'm not going to leave you.”
  • “I'll help you through this.”
  • “I know you feel alone right now, but just know you have me.”
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What is the meanest thing to say to a guy?

The 10 Worst Things You Can Say to a Guy
  • "Yes…. yes yes yes yes YES." ...
  • "Grow a pair." My friend Jeff's girlfriend told him this recently, when he was relaying some problems he was having at work. ...
  • "I'm pregnant…. just kidding." ...
  • "He'd kick your ass." Excuse me?
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What do you do when someone hurts you and doesn't care?

If the person knows we are being hurt and doesn't care, the best is to forgive (to not feel pressured or guilty if we do care about this person), but also to keep distance in order to avoid future problems. Also, we must make sure we are communicating our concern in a clear and honest way. Time heals.
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What do you call someone who turns things around on you?

They turn the story around to make it seem like you are at fault, deflecting attention and blame away from them to make you feel guilty. This type of emotional manipulation is called gaslighting. “Am I going crazy?
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How do you talk to someone who hurts your feelings?

How to communicate your feelings so you are heard.
  1. Start with why what you want to say is important. ...
  2. Briefly describe what happened that felt hurtful or disrespectful. ...
  3. Say how their behavior made you feel—the impact. ...
  4. Ask for what you need going forward. ...
  5. End by reinforcing why you are making this request.
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How do I deal with hurtful words from my husband?

How to Get over Hurtful Words from Your Husband
  1. Accept how you feel.
  2. Tell him how you feel.
  3. Listen to what he has to say.
  4. Tell him what you need to make things better.
  5. Try to see things from his point of view.
  6. Remind yourself that he can't control your feelings.
  7. Try compassionate meditation.
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What does the Bible say about words that hurt?

3 Ways Words Hurt More than Sticks and Stones (Session 11; James 3:1-12) Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.
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How do you forgive when someone keeps hurting you?

10 Steps To Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting
  1. Move Away From The Past. Focusing too much on the past can hurt a lot. ...
  2. Reconnect With Yourself. ...
  3. Avoid Going To Sleep Angry. ...
  4. Stop Blaming Others. ...
  5. Avoid Trying To Control People. ...
  6. Learn The Art of Letting Go. ...
  7. Aim To Be Kind Instead of Being Right. ...
  8. Embrace The Dark Times.
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