What is narcissistic hoovering?

What is Hoovering? Hoovering is a manipulation strategy narcissists use to keep their victims in or suck them back into a toxic relationship. Narcissists use this type of emotional abuse when they sense that their victim is seeking to pull out of the narcissistic abuse cycle.
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What does narcissistic hoovering mean?

Coined after the Hoover vacuum, hoovering is a calculating scheme commonly used by narcissists to "suck" you up into their orbit and get you back into their life. It's an energetically draining dynamic that perpetuates a toxic pattern of idealization, devaluation, and discardment.
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What triggers a narcissist Hoover?

The Five Reasons That Narcissists Hoover

They have an insecure need to be accepted by society. To feed their insecure need for power and control. They are addicted to the highs and lows of a dysfunctional relationship. To regain control of the narcissistic supply.
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What does Narc hoovering look like?

Calling you about a health scare or their need for your help or assistance. Threatening suicide or self-harm if you do not return the call or text. Sending messages through friends who may not understand the narcissistic behavior or the past relationship abuse.
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How do you respond to a narc Hoover?

Instead of being drawn into their drama, try just responding with something like, “I'm sorry that's happening to you,” or “I'm sorry you feel that way,” and then walk away without saying anything else. When they don't get what they're looking for, they'll stop using that tactic.
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What is "hoovering"? (Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships)



Will narcissist hoover after discard?

Narcissists may Hoover in a number of ways: by provoking the victim, waxing poetically about how they've changed, or even more sadistically, flaunting a new partner to their previous one after a particularly callous silent treatment or discard.
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How do you resist hoovering?

Read on for tips on how to respond to this type of behavior.
  1. Avoid playing into their reality. ...
  2. Don't get drawn in. ...
  3. Pay attention to how they make you feel. ...
  4. Talk to them about their behavior. ...
  5. Put yourself first. ...
  6. Offer compassion, but don't try to fix them. ...
  7. Say no (and walk away) ...
  8. Remember, you aren't at fault.
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What happens to narcissist when you go no contact?

If we ignore them again by saying “no” or going “no contact” with them, narcissists might go into a complete rage. This rage is a coping mechanism in order for them to deal with us keeping our distance from them or saying “no” to them. A rejection of narcissists means that we think they are not perfect.
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What does cutting off all contact with a narcissist do to them?

Breaking up with a narcissist is likely to be a draining experience. Either they won't let you go without a fight, or they will discard you without looking back. Both experiences are extremely hurtful.
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How does a narcissist react when they can't control you?

Narcissists also gaslight or practice master manipulation, weakening and destabilizing their victims; finally, they utilize positive and negative emotions or moments to trick others. When a narcissist can't control you, they'll likely feel threatened, react with anger, and they might even start threatening you.
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How do narcissists try to get you back?

A narcissist uses silent treatment for hours or even days

Another strategy used by the narcissist to “get back” is to start blaming the other partner for incidentals but over and over again. They might say, “You're holding me back,” for example, when they seek constant activity with no downtime.
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Will narcissist break no contact?

Narcissist will attempt to contact you again to get supply

Ultimately, they may persuade you to break no contact, so they can be the one who does it to the other person to have a sense of domination, control, and subsequently diminished ego threat.
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What happens after a narcissist discards you?

People with narcissistic tendencies typically don't let go of their source of attention and admiration unless they've secured a new one. If they lose something important to their self-image by discarding you, they'll feel the loss and come back.
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What should you not say to a narcissist?

8 Things You Should Never Say to a Narcissist
  • Don't say, "It's not about you." ...
  • Don't say, "You're not listening." ...
  • Don't say, "Ina Garten did not get her lasagna recipe from you." ...
  • Don't say, "Do you think it might be your fault?" ...
  • Don't say, "You're being a bully." ...
  • Don't say, "Stop playing the victim."
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How do you tell when a narcissist is done with you?

Let's find out.
  1. For starters, narcissists are finished with you once your narcissistic supply gets stale.
  2. When they show more interest in those outsides of your relationship as they seek validation, your opinion is becoming less valuable to them.
  3. They start to devalue you.
  4. They finally ignore you for good.
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Will a narcissist come back after dumping you?

Do Narcissists Come Back to Relationships? Yes, they often do come back to relationships. A narcissist will repeat their cycle of abuse as long as they need you as a supply. Even their distressing discard performance will leave you in a firm belief they're done with you; a narcissist will come back.
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What sets a narcissist off?

8 Triggers of a Narcissist's Rage

They don't get their way, even if what they want is unreasonable. They feel that they've been criticized, even if the critique is constructive or said kindly. They're not the center of attention. They're caught breaking rules or not respecting boundaries.
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What does it mean when a narcissist cuts you off?

It's not uncommon for a narcissist to cut off and discard you in an often cruel manner. They can make you feel utterly worthless and as though they never cared for you at all. It's a traumatic event, but it's one that brings a lesson for you for future relationships, including when the narcissist comes back.
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How narcissists treat their exes?

By remaining friends with their exes, narcissists get to keep all of their former partners on a carousel of convenience: they can create a harem of people to use for sex, money, praise, attention or whatever else they desire, at any time.
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How do you make a narcissist regret losing you?

How to Make a Narcissist Regret Losing You
  1. Cut off all contact with the person.
  2. Be unattainable and focus on your well-being.
  3. Spend time with your support network.
  4. Realize that people with NPD can't feel regret.
  5. Resist the urge to get revenge.
  6. Give yourself a chance to grieve the relationship.
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What a narcissist does at the end of a relationship?

At the end of a relationship, narcissists may become combative, passive-aggressive, hostile, and even more controlling. People with NPD often fail to understand other people's needs and values. They are hyper focused on their egos, but do not account for how their actions affect others.
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Do narcissists miss their ex?

Do narcissists miss their ex after No Contact? Now you might be thinking that the narcissist really misses you and the answer is yes, they do but not the way you hope. As we explained above, you were their source of narcissistic supply — a source of love, admiration, and praise.
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How do you make a narcissist miserable?

14 Ways to Make a Narcissist Miserable:
  1. Lack of Attention.
  2. Doing something they don't like.
  3. Losing.
  4. Logic and Facts.
  5. Boundaries.
  6. Critical Thinking.
  7. Spontaneous Behavior.
  8. Someone else's Success.
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Does a narcissist miss you?

So yes, narcissists can miss you in the sense that they feel bad when an emotional need isn't being met when you're not around and thus they want you back in their life. They need someone to boost their ego and make them feel good about themselves.
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How do you make a narcissist fear you?

Some things that will make narcissists fear you are when you stay in your own power or opinion. They will expect you to agree with them, but you nicely remind them of why you feel a certain way, and they should back down; if not, it's ok to agree to disagree.
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