What is defensive parenting?

Many parents react with what I call defensive parenting. Defensive parenting is the wall we put up that inhibits us from growth. While it protects our ego, it also diminishes the potential for long term healthy relationships. Simply put it is the “Because told you so,” method of parenting.

Why do parents get defensive?

Most of us get defensive about something having to do with our children at one time or another. There are a few common reasons why we get defensive about our parenting, and knowing them helps us to remain open and supportive. Parents are defensive about their choices when they have no idea why they made them.

How do you parent a defensive child?

How do you talk to a defensive parent?

Use 'I' statements

One of the most effective methods of communicating with a defensive person is using “I” statements. This means framing the effects of situation around your personal experience, not on what the other person did wrong or what it might mean about them as a person.

What makes a child defensive?

Just like adults, children get defensive when they feel like someone's backing them into a corner. If it seems like you can't even have a simple discussion with your child without raising her hackles, it might be time to examine your family dynamics.

5 Parenting Styles and Their Effects on Life

What is the most common defense mechanism?

Denial is one of the most common defense mechanisms. It occurs when you refuse to accept reality or facts. You block external events or circumstances from your mind so that you don't have to deal with the emotional impact. In other words, you avoid the painful feelings or events.

Why does my child constantly argue with me?

Spend time together: Constant arguments may be a sign that your child is feeling disconnected from you. When kids feel connected to their caregivers, there is less desire to engage in a battle. Rather than continuing to push each other away, determine a way to come together.

What is an example of a defensive behavior?

Make excuses about whatever you are being criticized about. Blame the other person for what they are criticizing you about. Accuse the other person of doing the same thing. Try to justify your actions.

Where does defensiveness come from?

Defensiveness is when we try to counter or deny criticisms in areas in which we feel sensitive. For many, this is a way to emotionally protect ourselves. Our brain instinctively kicks into "fight or flight" mode when we think we are in trouble, which can lead to overwhelming emotions like anger and anxiety.

How do you respond when someone is defensive?

Why am I so defensive in my relationship?

Lack of accountability – Shifting blame, making excuses, and rationalizing behavior leads people to raise their defense levels. Controlling/Manipulative – Using all sorts of behaviors to control or manipulate people will lead to defensive behavior. No one likes to feel like they are being used by someone else.

How do I stop being defensive?

What to do when you don't get along with your mother?

What is defensive personality?

A defensive person has trouble accepting responsibility for their speech and actions. They have difficulty with constructive criticism and may mistakenly take it as a perceived threat. Anyone can be triggered by a personal issue that causes them to have a defensive reaction.

Is defensiveness a trauma response?

Defensiveness shows itself through trauma for a variety of reasons. According to science, defensiveness is a common symptom for those who struggle with trauma, especially those who struggle with trauma related to sexual violence.

Why does my husband get so defensive?

Your husband is most likely getting defensive because: He feels like you're blaming him for his feelings. You want him to fix it and he doesn't know how to. He has some other story spinning in his head about what it means that you feel this way.

Does defensive mean aggressive?

1. aggressive or submissive behavior in response to real or imagined threats of harm. A cat, for example, may exhibit defensive aggression by spitting and hissing, arching its back, and raising the hair along the back of the neck in anticipation of a physical threat (see animal defensive behavior).

What to do with a child that argues about everything?

Why does my child argue with everything I say?

Children often use arguments and negotiations to cope with the lack of control over certain aspects of their lives^​1​. Whenever a child argues about everything, then chances are they don't have control over anything, and arguing is their attempt to gain some autonomy.

Why is my child always so angry?

For children, anger issues often accompany other mental health conditions, including ADHD, autism, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and Tourette's syndrome. Genetics and other biological factors are thought to play a role in anger/aggression. Environment is a contributor as well.

What are 4 mature defense mechanisms?

These defense styles comprise of defense mechanisms classified by Andrews as: “(a) four mature: sublimation, humor, anticipation, and suppression; (b) four neurotic: undoing, pseudo-altruism, idealization, and reaction formation; and (c) twelve immature: projection, passive aggression, acting out, isolation, ...

What are unhealthy defense mechanisms?

The most unhealthy of these defense mechanisms are denial, projection, displacement and regression. Denying a problem is the defense mechanism that does the most damage. If you refuse to accept that you have a problem, you can't fix it, so it just gets worse.

What are 5 ego defense mechanisms?

Both Freuds studied defence mechanisms, but Anna spent more of her time and research on five main mechanisms: repression, regression, projection, reaction formation, and sublimation. All defence mechanisms are responses to anxiety and how the consciousness and unconscious manage the stress of a social situation.

What are signs of a toxic mother?

What is an unhealthy mother daughter relationship?

Dysfunctional mother-daughter relationships can come in many forms. Often it can take form in criticism, where a daughter feels like she's constantly getting negative feedback from her maternal figure. Sometimes, it can take the form of detachment. “Some women are simply not close to their mothers,” says Wernsman.