What is a selfish apology?

We accept the belief that forgiveness is a necessary component of a healthy, satisfying relationship. But why don't apologies always work?
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What is a backhanded apology?

A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
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What is a manipulative apology?

A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
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What is a meaningless apology?

I said I'm sorry.” The empty apology is all form but no substance. It's what you say to someone when you know you need to apologize, but are so annoyed or frustrated that you can't muster even a modicum of real feeling to put behind it. So you go through the motions, literally saying the words, but not meaning it.
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What is a insincere apology?

An insincere apology would be something like: I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm sorry if I offended you. I'm sorry, but aren't you being too sensitive?
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A Selfish Apology



What is a toxic apology?

The toxic apology part 2

This sounds almost reasonable but is, in fact, anything but reasonable. It is a form of words designed to make you look like the bad guy by suggesting that you have been ungracious and unbending, as well as having unrealistic expectations.
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What is a passive aggressive apology?

Im sorry, Im sorry, Im sorry. This is a passive-aggressive apology done to silence the other person and move onto a different topic. It minimizes what the other person has experienced. Im sorry but But is a qualifier. If a person cannot say sorry without adding a but, then they are not sorry.
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What does a true apology look like?

A true apology keeps the focus on your actions—and not on the other person's response. For example, “I'm sorry that you felt hurt by what I said at the party last night,” is not an apology. Try instead, “I'm sorry about what I said at the party last night.
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Is I'm sorry you feel that way gaslighting?

The “I'm sorry you feel that way” approach, along with avoiding an argument in lieu of admitting fault, is good old fashioned gaslighting.
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How do you deal with an insincere apology?

You need to find that calm place within — taking a pause away from one another is often necessary to calm down — and clear-headedly state that you perceive his apology as insincere and that you feel hurt and that it's damaging the trust within the relationship.
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What does it mean when a narcissist apologizes?

Narcissists use apologies to return the advantage to them.

Narcissists seem to think saying they're sorry and will get them instant forgiveness. An apology is a get-out-of-jail-free card for narcissists, and when they play it, it's to get back their power — not give it away.
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What do you say when a narcissist apologizes?

How to Respond to a Narcissist's Apology
  1. 1 Recognize the signs of a bad apology.
  2. 2 Ask them if they can see your perspective.
  3. 3 Communicate your boundaries clearly.
  4. 4 Let them know you're disappointed in them.
  5. 5 Tell them you won't accept an apology at the moment.
  6. 6 Keep yourself safe from an outburst.
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What is an apology without changed behavior?

“An apology without change is just manipulation.” It's a pithy statement perfect for window decals and bumper stickers, but that doesn't make it any less true. It also doesn't make the phrase less scientifically correct.
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How do you know if an apology is insincere?

How to Recognize a Fake Apology
  1. A fake apology contains an “if” or a “but.” ...
  2. A fake apology is too wordy. ...
  3. An insincere apology contains passive voice. ...
  4. A true apology cannot start with, “They told me to apologize.”
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What is a conditional apology?

This is a conditional apology. It falls short of a full apology by suggesting only that somethingmight have happened. Examples: I am sorry if I did anything wrong I am sorry if you were offended.
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What to say to someone who gives a fake apology?

The best response is to say something like, “Thanks.” Stay away from “Don't worry about it.” or “It's okay.” If the apologizer says, “Do you forgive me?” and the other person isn't ready to say yes, they can say, “I'm not there yet, but I really appreciate that you apologized.”
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What are some gaslighting phrases?

Below are some common gaslighting phrases, as highlighted by Durvasula.
  • Stop being so sensitive.
  • That never happened.
  • Your mind seems off, you need help.
  • Why can't you take a joke?
  • Why are you always so angry?
  • Why can't you let go of the past?
  • Stop exaggerating it wasn't that bad.
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What is passive gaslighting?

Gaslighting statements and accusations are usually based on blatant lies, or exaggeration of the truth. Passive-aggressiveness can be defined as anger or hostility in disguise, expressed in underhanded ways to exercise power, control, and deception, with the hopes of "getting away with it.”
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What are the traits of a gaslighter?

Below are the most common traits of a gaslighter:
  • A highly-manipulative personality.
  • Low sense of self-worth or self-esteem.
  • Insecurities, covered up by constantly pointing out other peoples' flaws.
  • Controlling to a point where they don't respond well when they don't have power.
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What's the difference between saying sorry and apologizing?

The word sorry is used to express the personal feeling of regret or sympathy. The word apology is used in a more formal tone when something wrong is done. One might be or not be sorry while apologising.
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How do you respond to an apology when still hurt?

If you're still hurt, mad, or upset

If you're still hurt or upset by someone's actions, be open about this. Let them say their apology and acknowledge their effort, but be clear that you aren't fully ready to move forward yet. Commit to revisiting it later after letting your emotions settle.
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What does a real apology consist of?

A real apology has three main components: (1) it acknowledges the actions taken and resulting pain inflicted on you; (2) it provides an action plan for how s/he will right the wrong; and (3) there is an actual change in behavior proving to you that there won't be a repeat of the past.
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Does a narcissist say I'm sorry you feel?

They may even feel like threats. In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as in, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry.
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Is Silent Treatment passive-aggressive?

Basically, the silent treatment is a passive-aggressive behavior by which an abuser communicates some sort of negative message to the intended victim that only the perpetrator and the victim recognize through nonverbal communication.
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What are the signs of a passive-aggressive person?

Specific signs of passive-aggressive behavior include:
  • Resentment and opposition to the demands of others, especially the demands of people in positions of authority.
  • Resistance to cooperation, procrastination and intentional mistakes in response to others' demands.
  • Cynical, sullen or hostile attitude.
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