Is it OK to not like your stepchild?

The US National Stepfamily Resource Center says it can take a minimum of four years for stepkids and step-parents to feel comfortable with one another while British author and family psychologist Dr Lisa Doodson says it's completely normal to not feel that instant love connection.

What do you do when you don't like your stepchild?

Stay calm and composed – You should always try to stay calm and composed, even in the face of adversity. This will help set an example for your stepchild and make them more likely to respect you as a parent figure. Do not ignore – You should never ignore your stepchild, even if you don't like them.

What if you can't stand your stepchild?

First, if you really not only dislike the stepchildren but can't stand them, please consider whether the relationship is worth it and will survive over time. Seek individual therapy and think about the long term.

Can I ignore stepdaughter?

Ignoring Behavior

One of the most aggravating stepparenting situations can arise when your stepkids ignore you. Don't take it too personally. "Ignoring" behavior is common, especially at first. By ignoring you—your words, deeds, and physical presence—your stepchild is saying, I'm not ready to accept this situation."

Is it OK to not like your step parent?

Every feeling you're having about your new stepparent is valid and normal, and you are NOT a bad person for experiencing those emotions. But if you're stuck in a negative place, know that your relationship with your stepparent doesn't have to be a total disaster.

What to do when you do NOT LOVE your STEP-CHILD

Is it normal to resent stepchildren?

In fact, it's normal. Stepparents should not feel, or be made to feel, guilty for not instantly (or ever) loving their stepkids. When they do, that guilt – if ongoing and unaddressed – can morph over time into deep-seated resentment.

What is mini wife syndrome?

The definition of mini wife syndrome (or mini husband syndrome) is when your partner's kid thinks they're running the show... and your partner does not correct them on that! Mini wife/mini husband syndrome isn't exactly spousification, nor is it quite codependency— although it does include elements of both.

Is it OK to disengage from stepkids?

Often stepmoms are resistant to taking a step back, when their relationship with their stepkids isn't going so well. They try and stand their ground and assert themselves as a “parent too” – but honestly, disengaging is the best thing I've ever done for my sanity, my relationship with my stepkids and for our family.

What is stepchild syndrome?

In evolutionary psychology, the Cinderella effect is the phenomenon of higher incidences of different forms of child abuse and mistreatment by stepparents than by biological parents. It takes its name from the fairy tale character Cinderella, which is about a girl who is mistreated by her stepsisters and stepmother.

Who comes first in a blended family?

In traditional relationships, the couple develops a relationship first, then becomes parents together. Blended families flip this, and it's the parent/child relationship that has the history and the deeper connection.

Why are stepchildren so difficult?

Another reason stepparenting can be harder than parenting is that stepchildren come into the mix at a variety of ages. Their ages can influence how quickly you can build a relationship with them. Children under 10 are often quickest to accept a stepparent, while children ages 10 to 14 may have the most difficult time.

Why do I hate being a stepmom?

The lack of control over your own life can be extremely challenging, particularly for women who have been living independent, child-free lives until they met their partner. You might feel like you're giving everything of yourself in exchange for stress, anxiety, conflict, and the feeling of being an outsider.

How do you deal with bratty stepkids?

Does spouse or child come first?

In a marriage with children, it may seem counterintuitive to not put the kids first, says psychologist Yvonne Thomas. "However, it's actually healthier to make your spouse the first priority." This is because it benefits all of your family members.

Why do blended families fail?

Some include: Major parenting differences that one or both of you can't get past. Having false expectations as to what your relationship and family life will look like once you get married or move in together. Unwillingness to work on difficult problems or seek outside help when needed.

What percentage of blended families end in divorce?

In fact, seventy percent of blended marriages end in divorce. Research also shows that blended families require at least two to five years before hitting their stride. This can be expedited by agreeing to work with a therapist on some of the common issues that come with blending households.

Why do I resent my stepson?

Similarly to a custody agreement, the impact of divorce, custody and child support, and raising kids can put a strain on your finances that you aren't used to and that feels unfair. And again, the kids can function as a physical manifestation of that strain and frustration, making them a target for resentment.

What is Cinderella abuse?

People often assume that abusive people mistreat everyone, but some discriminate in their abuse. It's what experts call the "Cinderella phenomenon," which is when one child in a family is singled out and abused while other children are not.

When should you leave for stepchild?

Your Stepchild Makes You Feel Unsafe

Your stepchild may be threatening to hurt you or might be causing your physical or emotional harm. If your stepchild's behavior is enough to make you feel unsafe around them or afraid for your safety in your own home, protecting yourself by leaving may be your best option.

What should a step parents role be?

Your role as the stepparent is to do your best to have a respectful relationship with the ex. The ability to coordinate visitations, holidays, school events and sports goes a long way to your role as trying to make your blended family as healthy as possible.

What is the nacho parenting method?

Nachoing is to:

Allow the bio parent to parent of their own kid as they deem fit. Not engaging in negative and unhealthy interaction with the stepkids. Act as a babysitter in the absence of the bio parent. Say nothing about, or to, the stepkids unless it's sheer praise.

Can stepchildren cause divorce?

Stepchildren are not only the product of divorce. Statistics show that stepkids are frequently the cause of divorces. Okay, it's unfair to blame the children. More accurate to say that frictions within blended families and the challenges of stepparenting make it more difficult for second marriages to survive.

What is a Disney dad?

What is a Disney Dad? A guest post on the National Center for Fathering website by Scott Moore of Building a Better Dad defines a Disney Dad as a “non-custodial parent who indulges his or her child with gifts and good times during visitation and leaves most or all disciplinary responsibilities to the other parent.”

What to do when stepchildren are ruining your marriage?

How do you deal with a toxic stepchild?