How do you apologize without being defensive?

According to Schumann's paper, there are eight notes you have to hit:
  1. You actually have to use the words I'm sorry.
  2. Acknowledge that you messed up. ...
  3. Tell the person how you'll fix the situation.
  4. Describe what happened, but without foisting the blame off on someone else.
  5. Promise to behave better next time.
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How do you apologize without being toxic?

Recognize the Reasons to Apologize
  1. Acknowledge that you were wrong.
  2. Discuss what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship.
  3. Express your regret and remorse.
  4. Learn from your mistakes and find new ways of dealing with difficult situations.
  5. Open up a line of communication with the other person.
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What is a passive apology?

The Passive Voice Apology

“I'm sorry I lost your keys,” becomes “I'm sorry your keys got lost.” “I'm sorry I backed into your car,” becomes “I'm sorry your car got hit.” This phrasing lets you acknowledge an offense—while softening the fact that you're the one who did it.
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How do you apologize without admitting?

Here are sample expressions of a sincere and harmless apology: “I'm sorry that you had to make this call today.” “I'm sorry for any frustration you may have experienced.” “I'm sorry for any inconvenience this misunderstanding may have caused you.”
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What is the most polite way to apologize?

Apologize
  • Please accept my apologies.
  • I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..
  • (I'm) sorry. I didn't realize the impact of…
  • Please accept our deepest apologies for…
  • Please accept my sincere apologies for…
  • Please accept this as my formal apology for…
  • Please allow me to apologize for…
  • I would like to express my deep regrets for…
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How Not to Be Defensive in Relationships



What can I say instead of I'm sorry?

Another bonus: “Excuse me” and “pardon me” also work as great replacements for “I'm sorry” when you bump into someone.
...
  • 6 Phrases to Replace “I'm Sorry.” ...
  • “I don't owe you anything.”
  • “I understand.”
  • “Thank you.”
  • “I'd like to expand on that.”
  • “Unfortunately”
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What should I say instead of apologizing?

'I take full responsibility', is a phrase that can be used to substitute the word 'sorry', and essentially means that you acknowledge the mistake and take responsibility for it. Example: I take full responsibility for the overcooked food and assure you it won't happen again.
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How do you apologize without sound apologetic?

Instead of showing sympathy with “I am sorry,” be empathetic and reflect on what someone else is feeling. You can do this by saying something like: “That is sad, it must have been difficult for you” when someone shares his/ her experience with you.
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How do you apologize to someone you hurt unintentionally?

How to Apologize When You've Hurt Someone
  1. Listen closely before rushing to apologize. ...
  2. Prepare your apology in advance when possible. ...
  3. Be specific and detailed in your apology. ...
  4. Try not to turn your apology into a debate. ...
  5. Remember that actions speak louder than (apologetic) words. ...
  6. Be patient after you apologize.
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What makes a good apology?

Participants rated apologies for a trust violation as more effective when they contained a greater number of the following elements: an acknowledgment of responsibility, an explanation of what went wrong, an expression of regret, an offer of repair, a declaration of repentance, and a request for forgiveness.
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How do narcissists apologize?

In narcissists' efforts to avoid blame, they often combine several fake apologies at once, such as in, “I am sorry if I said anything to offend you, but I have strong opinions. Maybe you're too sensitive” or, “I guess I should tell you I am sorry. But you know I would never deliberately hurt you.
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What is a backhanded apology?

A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology.
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What is a manipulative apology?

A phrase designed to elicit an apology from the other party, whereby the original apologizer can deflect full responsibility to that other person; usually said in a hostile or sarcastic tone and often followed by an explicit or implicit “…but this is really your fault”
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How do you apologize for overstepping boundaries in a relationship?

Fully apologize for overstepping your friend's boundaries, including acknowledging how your actions made your friend feel and your regret for what your actions have done to your relationship, advises psychiatrist Aaron Lazare in his "Psychology Today" article, "Go Ahead, Say You're Sorry." Ask your friend if there is ...
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How do I make my apology look genuine?

5 Steps To A Sincere Apology
  1. Name what you did wrong. Don't just say: “I'm sorry you got hurt.” That's not owning up to your actions. ...
  2. Use empathy. Maybe your actions wouldn't have hurt you, but the fact is that they hurt someone else. ...
  3. Make it all about you. ...
  4. Keep explanations brief. ...
  5. Let it go.
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How do you have a healthy apology?

Aaron Lazare, an apology expert and former chancellor and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, a good apology has four elements:
  1. Acknowledge the offense. ...
  2. Explain what happened. ...
  3. Express remorse. ...
  4. Offer to make amends.
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What do you say to someone who hurts you emotionally?

If you're hoping to salvage the relationship with the person who has hurt you, then here are some great conversation points to add in:
  1. “I care about you.”
  2. “I respect you.”
  3. “I want to fix our relationship.”
  4. “I want to move past this.”
  5. “I want to understand each other better.”
  6. “I want to be open with you.”
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What to say when you hurt someone unintentionally?

Here are some examples:
  1. "I'm sorry about the mean thing I said to you."
  2. "I'm sorry I lost your book."
  3. "I was mad, but I shouldn't have called you a name. I'm sorry."
  4. "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."
  5. "I'm sorry I yelled at you."
  6. "I'm really sorry I pushed you when I was mad. That was wrong. I won't do it anymore."
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How do you apologize to someone you hurt deeply sample?

I sincerely apologize for my mistake and will, of course, accept the consequences of my actions. Dear Karis, I'm so sorry about the thoughtless comments I made about your choice to work as a freelancer. They were judgmental and hurtful, and I deeply regret making them.
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How do you apologize without sounding condescending?

Here are the five steps to a sincere, professional, and respectable apology if you want to avoid this.
  1. Actually Say the Words “I'm Sorry” ...
  2. Get Specific. ...
  3. Focus on Your Non-verbal Cues. ...
  4. Avoid Excuses. ...
  5. Offer to Resolve It (or Prevent it in the Future) ...
  6. Put it All Together.
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How do you apologize when you don't know what you did?

The 8 tips below will help you craft a natural, heartfelt apology to anyone in your life.
  1. Understand why you're apologizing. ...
  2. Start with 'I'm sorry. ...
  3. Take responsibility for your actions. ...
  4. Focus on the impact of your actions — not your intent. ...
  5. Take steps to make amends. ...
  6. Don't overdo it. ...
  7. Ask for forgiveness.
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How do you apologize to disrespect someone?

The 7 stages of a clear and sincere apology
  1. Understand why you're sorry. ...
  2. Say you're sorry. ...
  3. Show that you understand why you are sorry. ...
  4. Talk about what you've learned. ...
  5. Acknowledge that you understand the consequences. ...
  6. List the ways you'll change. ...
  7. Ask for forgiveness.
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How do you apologize in a text message?

I am sorry for arguing with you. I want us to be a team. Please forgive me, babe.
  1. I'm sorry for avoiding our issues. ...
  2. I want you to know that I love you and take responsibility for the words I said. ...
  3. Angry is ugly, forgiveness is sexiness. ...
  4. I'm apologizing because I value our relationship more than my ego.
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What does apologizing too much mean?

Over-apologizing refers to saying “I'm sorry” when you don't need to. This could be when you haven't done anything wrong or you're taking responsibility for someone else's mistake or a problem that you didn't cause or control. Here are a few examples of over-apologizing.
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What is an apology without changed behavior?

“An apology without change is just manipulation.” It's a pithy statement perfect for window decals and bumper stickers, but that doesn't make it any less true. It also doesn't make the phrase less scientifically correct.
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