How can I stop being so defensive with my husband?

Why am I defensive with my husband?

A big reason why you may be acting all defensive is that your partner might be making you feel inferior to him/her/them. Being around someone who brags about themselves a lot is tough. If you're being made to feel like you're not good enough, you may feel threatened and become defensive.

Why do I get so defensive with my partner?

The Causes of Defensiveness

Defensive behavior can be a complex and murky issue. For many people, their behavioral patterns stem from emotional, mental, or personality issues/tendencies developed over the course of their lifetimes (feelings of abandonment, inferiority, low self-esteem, narcissism, etc.).

How do I stop being a defensive person?

What makes a person overly defensive?

You may become defensive if you are trying to hide the truth about something or lying. A reaction to attacks on your character or behavior. If you feel as though you need to justify actions you have taken or some aspect of your character, then you may respond in a defensive manner.

How Not to Be Defensive in Relationships

How do I express my feelings to my husband without him getting defensive?

How can I communicate without being defensive?

Why am I so defensive all the time?

Feeling defensive "is a natural self-protection mechanism that we have inside us", says Dr Kate Renshall, a clinical psychologist based in Sydney. "I think we all get defensive when somebody pushes on something that feels too close to home, or touches on something we already might doubt about ourselves."

What defensiveness does to a relationship?

When you become defensive in a conversation with your partner, you react to their words without listening to what they're saying. More often than not, you attempt to ward off the perceived attack by turning the tables on them. “It's not my fault that we're always late; it's your fault.”

How being defensive is hurting your marriage?

Defensiveness puts up walls that separate us rather than drawing us closer together. It causes us to withdraw from each other, causing a loss of connection and intimacy. At first, we may not even realize that a separation has occurred. And over time, those walls can begin to feel almost “normal.”

What is stonewalling in a marriage?

Stonewalling abuse in a relationship is when one person refuses to communicate or cooperate with their partner becoming like “a stone wall”. You may know it as its more common name, the 'silent treatment'.

Where does defensiveness come from?

Defensiveness is when we try to counter or deny criticisms in areas in which we feel sensitive. For many, this is a way to emotionally protect ourselves. Our brain instinctively kicks into "fight or flight" mode when we think we are in trouble, which can lead to overwhelming emotions like anger and anxiety.

When should you quit a relationship?

Why does my husband get mad when I tell him how I feel?

So the real REASON why men get so defensive, when you tell them how you feel, is because they THINK you are attacking them! In their minds, that's what's happening. Even if you're NOT. That is why they react so strongly and defensively.

What does it mean if someone gets defensive easily?

Answer: Generally, when people talk about someone becoming defensive in the context of a conversation, they are meaning that that someone is engaging in emotionally defensive maneuvers designed to ward off their having to experience some unwanted feeling or admit responsibility for some disowned act.

How do I deal with a defensive wife?

Can defensiveness ruin a relationship?

Famous relationship and marriage therapists, Dr. John and Julie Gottman, see defensiveness as so destructive it's one of what they call the “four horsemen of the apocalypse”. Alongside criticism, contempt, and stonewalling, it heralds the end of a relationship.

Why does my husband get so defensive when I ask questions?

He is defensive because he is defensive. You two have to be able to discuss unpleasant subjects or your relationship won't get very far. You need to evaluate how you are approaching him with issues, and he needs to man up and be able to take criticism without going inside his shell and blaming you for making him do it.

Is defensiveness a character trait?

Defensiveness, which is inherently passive, often switches into an aggressive attack. The person who initially feels under attack can be quick to shift gears and go on the attack. Why does he do this? On an inner level, his passivity is deemed to be a deplorable trait.

How do you communicate with a defensive partner?

What is defensive attitude?

Someone on the defensive is concerned with justifying their actions or words. They have a defensive attitude as they try to protect themselves. If you know that to defend is to protect, you have an idea what defensive means. When a person is acting defensive, they're trying to protect or justify themselves.

What's wrong with being defensive?

Rather than preventing you from aggression or attack, defensive behaviors can create animosity or distrust towards you that may not have been there before. This can lead to a vicious cycle of defending, frustrating, guarding against future frustration, and causing more bad feelings.

What are the signs of unhappy marriage?

How can I improve my conversation with my husband?

Why does my partner get defensive when I express my feelings?

If your partner gets defensive when you tell him how you feel it could mean he lacks emotional maturity, has a hard time being vulnerable, or simply thinks you're attacking or blaming him for your feelings. It can be incredibly draining if he always gets defensive when you try and express your feelings.